Cautiously Optimistic

It is often funny re-reading previous posts, and realizing how quickly things change. This has been especially true this past year, where change has been around every twist and turn. I don't think there is anyone who still reads this blog (who would? I post about as frequently as I put on my tennis shoes to go out for a run). But, if you happen to be reading this you will be privy to the insider information that even as I wrote my last post, I had a tiny little someone beginning life inside me.

No one was more surprised than I when, just a few weeks after losing a very early pregnancy, we found out that we were once again expecting. We hadn't been trying, and let's just say the odds of that happening were quite slim! I had a hard time not feeling terrified, and worried that I was not ready to face the possibility of another loss. Chris and I decided to share the news that weekend, while both of our parents and family were together for Thanksgiving, in hopes that more people sending good energy to our little bean, the more likely we might have a happy outcome. I'm encouraged to report that we're 8 weeks along, and though not out of the woods, we are getting closer and closer to the end of the riskiest early weeks of pregnancy.

We are cautiously optimistic that we might finally welcome a much awaited second child late in Summer 2012, and are hopeful that our December 27th ultrasound (10 weeks) will show a healthy heartbeat and fingers and toes in all the right places. This journey has been a rough one, but one that has built strength in our appreciation for our family, personal strength to persevere in the face of adversity, and faith that there will be a right time for our family to grow if it is meant to. My focus right now is providing the best possible opportunity for success through rest, nutrition, and positive thought, and trying to find peace in knowing that I am strong enough to handle the process, no matter what.

Love and resilience,
Laura

Growing, Learning, Living...

We attended the wedding of one of Chris' co-workers this past week, and on the way Parker asked, "Do you think Michael Jackson will be there?". Our boy has such a funny, creative mind, and only continues to be the center of our universe every day. Parker is loving his new school (also my school!), and has grown in to quite the independent, tender, and always brilliant little man. I truly can't believe we just celebrated his fourth birthday, though at the same time I can hardly remember my life before him. We held a wonderful fisherman themed birthday party, and enjoyed the company of family and friends who came from near and far to help us celebrate. Even Andy and Anna Kennedy came down with their two little boys (Cole was only 10 weeks old!), along with Mimi and Papa, to spend the long weekend with us.

My new job is going well, and I feel so lucky to spend my days on the same campus where my little guy is learning and playing. High Meadows School is a indescribably magical place, and I feel very fortunate that this is what school will be to our son. The responsibility of my position is huge, and I struggle sometimes with the amount of pressure that is on my shoulders to make sure our enrollment goals are met, so, as one teacher pointed out to me "we can all have jobs next year." (No pressure). I feel confident in the changes I have made to some processes and in the product I am representing, so I remind myself not to be consumed by "meeting the numbers." Being a working mom and finding balance is no easy task, there is no question in that.

I've been thinking about posting on my blog for some time now, as a lot has been going on. Chris accepted a full-time job at the Atlanta Institute of Music as a curriculum coordinator, and is really thriving in that position. I flew to Oregon twice to stand in the weddings of two of my best friends, April and Leah, and cherished those special moments with friends and witnessing the love they have found in their grooms. We gave up on selling the old house, and have rented it to a very nice bunch of twenty-somethings who may have some interest in buying it down the road. The rent doesn't cover the mortgage, but it allows us to be where we are and get by, which is what needs to happen for now. Fingers crossed for economic recovery over years to come and the opportunity to sell without catastrophic loss. We have lost a pet, and added two (Leo our cat ran away, and we adopted a puppy, Pickles, and a lizard, Chucko.) We have also struggled with our pursuit of adding a second child to our family.

I feel the need to stay authentic in what I write in this blog, and have realized that sharing our experiences can only help others who might find themselves in similar shoes at some point. In October 2010 I lost a pregnancy after about seven weeks, and went through the same experience last month. I have gone through some extensive testing, which fortunately resulted in the conclusion that these were most likely just isolated incidents unrelated to a medical issue. That said, it is really a heartbreaking experience, and after having gone through it twice, I am left fearful that maybe it just isn't going to happen for us. I do believe that if we are meant to bring another little person into the world, he or she will come when the time is right. There is a heaviness in my heart over both of these losses, but I remain grateful for the extraordinary child we do have. I'm not sure there is anyone who even reads this blog anymore, but I wanted to share our story because I know that miscarriage can be a very isolating thing to go through, and I have been comforted by others who have helped me realize that I am not alone, and that happy endings do happen more often than not.

Next week, my parents are flying in from Oregon, and for the first time in nearly 10 years together, the Nicholsons and Richerts will celebrate Thanksgiving together at Chris' parents home in North Carolina. I am very much looking forward to being surrounded by family, eating yummy holiday food, watching Parker play with the other kids in the family. My parents will then be traveling to Tennessee to support Peter during his mother's memorial service. Sadly, Pinky passed away several weeks ago after struggling with many health problems for years. I know that Peter is comforted that she is now freed from her pain, and we join him in envisioning her dancing through the heavens.

This has been a long, bitter-sweet post, but I am glad to have updated the history of the many transformations of our life. Through each, I learn something new, and realize the value of the many blessings we have been provided.

The Nicholsons Reinvented

It seems nearly impossible that my last post was only six months ago, because reading back over it I realize that our entire lives have changed since then. A school, a job, and a move later, we are settling in to our new home in Roswell, I am settling into my new job at High Meadows school, and we are hoping and praying that our old house will sell in the near future. Parker is spending the summer at home with a nanny, Selina, and her 8 year old daughter, Riley, which he is enjoying very much. He will be starting the preschool program on campus with me at High Meadows in August. I am so grateful to have a job where Parker can be close, and benefit from an amazing school opportunity.

Leaving our neighborhood full of friends, as well as the house we came home to as newlyweds and brought our little 6lb 12oz Parker home to, was sad, but it also really felt like the right time. My new job is 34 miles away from our old house, which would have translated into a VERY long and traffic-ridden commute for me and Parker every day. My new hours are 8-4, which is awesome, but I couldn't imagine leaving the house at 6:45 every day to make it by 8:00. SO... with an immense amount of emotional and financial support from our family, we took a leap of faith and leased a new house near my work, and got the old house market ready. Yes- this is the worst possible time to try and sell a house. Yes- we will be taking a huge hit and writing a big, fat check whenever the house sells. Yes- it has been one of the scariest decisions of a lifetime, but in the end, we really felt it was what needed to be done, and that the long-term implications were all positive.

We are still in the breath-holding stage with the old house on the market, and I know I won't feel truly relaxed until that process has closure. We've had some rental interest, so that remains 'Plan B' if we don't accept an offer before fall rolls around. Our new house is amazing, and we absolutely love it. I think we both, however, feel as though it can't be real that it is OUR house. Once we are able to proceed with the purchase part of the lease/purchase I know we will both feel like we can let ourselves sit back and enjoy the new place to the fullest. In the meantime, we aren't having any trouble enjoying the pool, lovely open living space, and safe, quiet neighborhood.

It definitely feels as though we are well on our way to a more peaceful, happy, and established chapter of our lives, which is a really good feeling. We are so grateful to everyone who has helped us along the way and can't wait to throw a house warming party once we get a little more settled and organized. Now that I have a few extra hours in my days, hopefully I will remember to stop and write a little more often. I know these are times I'm going to want to remember.

Cheers,
L

Back on the Change Train and Birthday/Thanksgiving Recap

Well, because we hadn't had quite enough excitement lately, we decided to turn our house upside down by converting our master bedroom into a family room, our master closet into a recording studio, Chris' office into a guest room, and our guest room into our master bedroom. Actually, it was a lot of fun and gave us a whole new perspective on our house! This weekend I will be finishing up the painting. Note to self- next time you paint a room purple, make sure you really want it to be purple forever because it is impossible to paint over!

In addition to that change, we are changing Parker's school (again) which I feel horrible about, but it is really out of necessity. Parker's part-time nanny's new spring class schedule required her to resign, and Chris' work volume is picking up a lot (great news!), so it was becoming increasingly impossible for him to stay home with Parker during the day. All in all, it should be ok. There is a really good program right down the road from my office and the people there are very nice. I am ridden with guilt about putting Parker in his first full-time preschool situation, but I'm sure he will love it. I will feel good that he is close at hand if he needs me.

I realized that I didn't do my usual post for Parker's birthday! We had a great little 3rd birthday party for him with close friends at the house. Upon Parker's request, it was a "Super Hero Party," complete with a transformer cake of his choosing. Friends in attendance were Jeff and Nicole, Kevin and Lindsay, Erica and Jake, Marina, Deborah, Emma, Julia, Robert, Ian, Heather, Henry, Allen, Rebekah, Dave, and Holland (I feel as though I'm forgetting someone...). Parker had a great time and was blown away by all of the cool presents he got, the highlight being a giant batcave complete with batman, trap doors, and an elevator. Thank you so much to all who came to celebrate!

To my sweet Parker, you continue to amaze me daily with your intelligence, sense of humor, kind heart, and abundant "I love you's." You are my most precious thing in the whole world and I feel so lucky to be your "Mom" as you now call me. Although it is bitter sweet that you are growing into an independent little boy so quicky, I couldn't be more proud of the wonderful little person you have already become. I love you so much and always will. xoxo Mommy

I am really looking forward to the holidays this year and am trying to ignore the fact that along with them will come my 30th (gasp) birthday. When the heck did I get so old!?! I'm pretty sure I was 23 last year... Anyway, I am reminded that 30 is the new 20, that you're only as old as you feel, and all of those other sayings people recite to make themselves feel better about aging. In all seriousness though, I'm looking at this birthday as a good opportunity to reflect on who I'd like to be "in my next 30 years" as Tim McGraw would say. I'd like to invite a little more joy and a little less seriousness into my world, and appreciate that what I've got going on is a pretty darn good thing. Cheers to throwing away too-tight jeans and embracing my mom-booty, to finding happiness in special moments with family, and to becoming more comfortable just being me. Ok- that's my sermon for the day. It is 4:00on Friday and I'm ready to BLOW THIS JOINT! :)

Happy Weekend!

Listening Ears

Cooperative Preschool Parent Hazing

So with my job change came the challenge of finding a new preschool for Parker at the drop of a hat. I had heard good things through the grapevine about a neighborhood cooperative preschool near our house. It is a nature/science based school, is very "green," and has a fun playground, and was close to home, so it sounded like it would be a good fit for P-man. Cooperative preschools are run and governed by their parent base, which sounds very warm/fuzzy/and holistic. Our experience as parents has been that it also means elitist/political/and heirchical. On the positive, Parker likes his teacher, they do fun and creative activities, and for the most part, he has enjoyed his student experience there.

On the flip side, Chris and I are finding that because we are both working parents, don't have lots of money, and because Parker turns his nose up at their hummus and edemame parent-provided snacks, we're getting the nose in the air treatment regularly. Chris has been fulfilling the parent-teaching component of the contract because he doesn't work days, while I will be doing committee work because of my more traditional work schedule. I had my first "work day" this weekend as an Art Auction Volunteer. I had kind of imagined setting up do-dads, serving wine, and taking payments. Oh, how I was mistaken...

I arrived at the auction, which was held at a fellowship facility down the road, and walked through the door not really knowing who I was looking for or what I was doing. A few people ignored my entrance and look of confusion, while a short, attractive woman with runner's calves walked up and said snappily: "Oh. You're Allision. Go over there and figure out how to attach that picture tree to the wall." I said, "Actually, I'm Laura, but I can see what I can do." Ms. Bossy Runner replied "Go get your nametag on that table. And, Allison, when you're done with that go set up the food and drink table." A few other yuppie mothers passed by without hello, or recognition, and I'm thinking "well this is going to go just splendidly."

So after figuring out how to attach a 9 foot, 10 pound tree to a ladder so it could stand free in the lobby, and watching as the yuppy dad I was working with took credit for the idea and received praise from Ms. Bossy Runner, I was told to go downstairs to my "station" for the night- "the fishing pond." I went around three corners and down two flights of stairs, and was told that I was in charge of supervising the "children's room" for the evening. On one table there was a giant container of rainbow colored biodegradable packing popcorn and a bucket of water. On the next table there were acorns, glue, contruction paper leaves. On the last table there were popsicle sticks, hay, pipecleaners, construction paper, and sharpies....yes SHARPIES, for the 2, 3, and 4 year olds to use while constructing their scarecrow crafts.

In addition to supervising the children's room activities, I was to stand behind a giant t.v. box that has been decorated with fish, and attach prizes to fishing lines thrown by the toddlers, while collecting $1.00 from each of these toddlers for each line cast. Joining me in the "childrens room" was one dad, who looked as shell shocked as I felt. "Are you new, too? This is pretty intense." I said "yeah, I'm new too. What kind of cult did we join here?" He replied "I don't know- my wife set it all up. I think we're getting hazed." About 20 minutes later, Ms. Bossy Runner popped her head through the starwell entrance and said "Allison- the kids are coming." I was thinking, "well, at least we won't have to be upstairs with the stepford wives all night." Oh, how I wish I had run out the door at that moment.

Just about then, approximately 60 small children with a few parents in tow started running, climbing, and pushing down the stairs. "I want to fish! I want to fish!!" So they fished, and they glued, and they made a swamp of dissolved rainbow packing popcorn. They sharpied the tables, and eachother, they cried, they screamed, the yuppy parents got drunker, stood around talking to eachother about their home made organic yogurt concoctions while their "highly advanced and independent" children covered themselves in various colors and varieties of goo, tried to eat acorns, hit eachother and me with the clips at the end of the fishing lines, and cried some more. The president of the preschool, whom I had never met, came down the stairs and said "who gave these kids Sharpies?" I said "I have no idea." She (at least) said "I apologize- I'm sorry that's the first thing I ever said to you. Now lets get the Sharpies collected." So I collected Sharpies, made more kids cry because they wanted their Sharpies, spent 45 minutes using my fingernails trying to scrape dried rainbow packing goo from the tables, so that more goo could be made, while more and more parents stood leisurely around ignoring their children and sipping on wine and micro-brews.

When my four-hour shift was over ten hours later, I walked up stairs to go get my purse, and Ms. Bossy Runner zipped over to me. "Allison. Go over to that table. There are three people who haven't collected their auction items. Give them their slips when they come." So I stood by the table, watching people tote around their $500 framed coffee filter collages and $1200 toddler-painted toy chests they had purchased that night, and waited. No one came, and finally the president came back up to me and said "Are you done downstairs? Did the mess get cleand up?" I said "Well, I did clean as much I could. The Sharpie isn't going to come off those tables. My shift was over at six, but Ms. Bossy Runner told me I needed to stand at this table." She told me to go ahead and leave, but to tell Ms. Bossy Runner on my way out. I walked up to her and said "I have to leave now. I need to pick up my son from the babysitter." "Oh." She says. "So no one's at the table." "No." "(impatient exhale)Fine. Thanks."

So that was my first volunteer experience at Parker's unnamed (Un)Cooperative Preschool. I think we might explore some other options for next year. :)

I believe I called this one...

It was kind of funny looking at my July blog post predicting the winds of change blowing, because it was just a month later that I walked into my office and my boss asked me to "go for a walk." Naturally, I thought that I was getting laid off, but even in the moment I took a deep breath and said to myself "ok- here it is... whatever it is." The news was that my position at the Academy was being rolled into someone else's job in the university admission department, and that they had something totally different lined up for me at one of the satelite campuses of the university. My new position would be overseeing the recruitment efforts for all of the university's distance (i.e. satelite) campuses as the Director for Distance Campus recruitment.

Of course, there was a sense of relief that I still HAD a job, but mostly my feeling was more along the lines of "yuck- I don't want to do that!" The good news was that this new position is in Norcross- about 19 miles from home vs. the 54 miles I had been driving each way, every day, so that is something, but aside from that I'm looking at this as really good motivation to figure out what is going to be more fulfilling to me in the long run. I really miss being part of a true school community, and would really love to find another position in a small independent school where Parker could possibly attend at some point. My eyes are peeled and my ears are open to what might be out there, so keep your fingers crossed for me.

The trickiest part about this whole scenario was that I was given about two weeks notice to get trained and get down to my new office. Most of you know that Parker has stayed with our friend Deborah since he was 11 weeks old right next to the Academy, so this really threw a wrench in our arrangements and our emotions. We worked things out so that Parker is home with Chris part of the time, at preschool part of the time, and with a nanny part of the time, but with Chris in search of a more secure work scenario, who knows when that will change again. The whole thing has really forced me out of my comfort zone because I always like to have things mapped out and to have routine and consistency. I suppose it is good for me to see that things can work out outside from that rigid format, but I'll be happy when things feel more established and steady again.

At any rate, I thought since I now spend my days in an empty building making phone calls and sending bulk emails, it would be a good time to take another shot at picking the blog back up as a lunchtime activity. Besides, I recently watched Julie and Julia and remembered how good it feels to have some dialogue with yourself now and again regardless if anyone is listening.

Hugs,
Laura